what do you do...

when you feel stuck at a corner... struggling to breathe... the pain is getting overwhelming. and there's just little that you can do... taking meds... Lord please help me.. i've been praying that You help me through this pain... i really need comfort, i need relief...

i feel like throwing up. i feel like crying... i'm feeling weak. what can i do. who can i turn to?

i read this passage and i cling to it's promise, that You will watch over me...

Psalms 121

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
² My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

³ He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

⁷ The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
⁸ the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

in pain...

Dear Lord,

my chest feels compressed, my arm feels numb AND it tingles at the same time. i feel light-headed and dizzy. the pain makes me want to throw up... what can i do?

i don't feel energized to do anything. the only thing that i can to do is put a smile on my face and pray hard that You would protect me and bring me through this tough time..

even breathing is difficult. What can I do, Lord? please help....

Psalm 38:21-22

LORD, do not forsake me;
do not be far from me, my God.
Come quickly to help me,
my Lord and my Savior.

to my dearest friend

I'm really so sorry... i know i can't turn back time.. but i really want to be there for you...

being and doing

my temper has not been good the past two days... due to the "flood" that occurred in my room. there was so much anger and disappointment, when my family members didn't come to my rescue. i think this year... my sense of loneliness within the family has escalated. i feel disconnected. i feel as though i can't reach out to them, nor are they reaching out to me.

it's been a tough year.. when mom said that it was no point that they came back coz they couldn't DO anything... i realized... getting them to DO something, wasn't my top priority. I just needed them to BE there...

which makes me think and reflect... more often than not, we all think that we can only be effective if we DO something... we forget to BE ourselves. i remember DN reminding me... i am already God's blessing. I don't need to DO something... as though i need to prove my worth. I just need to BE who i am... and that's good enough.

i think sometimes we focus so much on what we can do, that when we, in our finite minds think that nothing can be done... we just surrender... or we don't do anything... but the best gift that we could offer could actually just be BEING there... the presence of someone who understands... who empathizes... is so much more powerful...

going for the Psychological First Aid course made me realize... this is exactly it. Our goal isn't to go there to SAVE them... to MAKE a difference... it's to hold those in pain... to accept and to share the experience of the disaster... it's to BE there...

need to learn to be there...

how?

how do i get rid of this... i don't know if it's healthy... i feel taken for granted.

how do i get rid of this... it deters me from sleeping well at night...

but sometimes, i wonder... is the challenge for me to get rid of it, or to handle it better...?

help me Lord.

Lamentations 3:21-23

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

My Fingernail or His Hands?

The Lord upholds him with His hand. —Psalm 37:24

Tough times can cause us to get our perspective turned around. I was reminded of this recently as I talked to a fellow-griever—another parent who, like Sue and me, lost a teenage daughter to death suddenly and without warning.

She told me she had been missing her daughter terribly, and she told God she felt as if she were hanging on by her fingernails. Then she felt as if God reminded her that His hand of protection was there to hold her up—that she could let go, and He would catch her.

That’s a better perspective, isn’t it? This picture reminds us that when troubles come and we feel least able to hold on to our faith, it’s not up to us. It’s up to God to support us with His mighty hand.

Psalm 37:23-24 says: “The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord . . . . Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the Lord upholds him with His hand.” And Psalm 63:8 tells us: “My soul follows close behind You; Your right hand upholds me.”

In tough times, we can become so preoccupied with our role in “clinging to God” that we forget about His promised protection. It’s not our fingernails that sustain us—it’s His loving, upholding hand. —Dave Branon

God’s hand that holds the ocean’s depths
Can hold my small affairs;
His hand that guides the universe,
Can carry all my cares. —Anon.

No one is more secure than the one who is held in God’s hand.

Lead me to the Cross...

http://www.crosswalk.com/church/worship/what-are-we-singing-lead-me-to-the-cross-11607007.html

Ways to overcome discouragement

How do you overcome discouragement when you run into one dead end after another?

If you've ever house sat or been volunteered to water your friend's plants or feed her cat while she was away on vacation, you know how important the keys are.

After you've pawed under the mat or turned over the flower pot and come up empty, you figure she forgot to put the key out. The thought of shriveled ferns and a dried out feline drives you to hit the panic button.

You dial your friend's number.

After exchanging a few pleasantries, you confess you can't to find the keys.

You're so sorry, but could the keys be somewhere else?

O, yeah. Your friend chuckles. I forgot. The keys are hanging on a nail. Behind the downspout. Near the back door.

Does this scene sound familiar?

I'm not simply talking about the keys to a house.

I'm talking about the keys to God's plans for you.

You've prayed, read your Bible, and done everything you could possibly think of -- to the best of your strengths and even to the detriment of your weaknesses.

But, the keys to your questions can't seem to be found --

-- that opportunity you've been knocking down doors to open

-- that breakthrough you've been waiting for, hanging by a thread

-- that big problem you've been trying to solve, failure instead of success.

What can you do?

Shock and Loss

I was processing a stack of mail when I pulled it out. It was an official looking envelope from the State of California. It's the kind of letter you open right away.

Reminder: Your business state taxes are due by the end of the month.

I started a business and became a statistic.

In less than two years, I closed up shop and liquidated all inventory.

It was a shock to me and our bank account because it was the last thing I expected.

I crunched the numbers and accepted the risk. I became a entrepreneur because I believed God was in it 100%.

My needs were real. I was a new mom who needed a job with flexible hours and a greater desire to stay home with baby.

My priorities were godly. Motherhood and family. Slam dunk, right?

My prayers were answered. I prayed and sought God's guidance for a year, as I did the market research, built a business plan, and prototype. At every intersection along the process, I saw God confirm prayers.

My due diligence. I sought wise counsel and applied my expertise from a career of releasing products for high tech corporations.

Business opened and sales looked promising. I was hopefully optimistic.

Then, the market crashed.

Never Would Have Guessed

What happened?

Why would He lead me down a path that He knew would not only be fruitless, but a loss?

The answers to this question merits a book, which I'd love to write one day.

But, I'm telling you this story because I sit here in the red years later, with a business closed and the door to a lifelong passion opened: my writing.

To market my product, I created a company blog.

I have always longed to pursue writing. But it passed me by like the midnight train to Georgia.

I faced one dead end after another. I gave up hope and resigned my writing life to an underground pursuit behind closed doors and a motley crew of notebooks.

Then, my business died, along with the company blog.

But, I didn't want to stop writing.

If I blogged for a product, why can't I blog for purpose?

What if I wrote about all this stuff in my journals and published it online?

Would anybody read it?

I would've never guessed in a thousand years I'd be here to blog with you today.

My disbelief didn't change God's plans for me.

Yours won't change His plans for you either.

The Doors We Cannot Open

Do you have a plan for your life that hasn't gone the way you expected?

Are you confused to why God's led you down one path and not another?

We can try to engineer the perfect solution, with sincerity and by faith.

But there are some doors that we cannot open.

6 Keys To Overcome Dead Ends and Discouragement

If you find yourself discouraged, remember the 6 Keys To Overcome Dead Ends and Discouragement:

1. God has the keys to your life and purpose.

2. God hasn't forgotten to tell you where they are and you aren't left out in the cold.

3. In His time and wisdom, God will open the doors of opportunity for you. No matter what.

4. No hardship or personal failure can keep that door from opening. No matter how late you think it is.

5. Stay faithful in unchanging situations, while God aligns the needed sequence of events with your heart.

6. If it is time to make changes, set them in motion.

Nothing is wasted. Everything done by faith that is unseen is visible and useful to God.

It may seem door after door is shutting closed in front of you, but God has his hand on the special ones reserved. Just for you.

At the right time, you will walk through them, with a smile on your face and amazement in your eyes.

"These are the words of him who is holy and true,
who holds the key of David.

What he opens no one can shut, and
what he shuts no one can open."
Revelations 3:7

Escape

http://www.crosswalk.com/blogs/bonnie-gray/three-gifts-to-feed-your-soul-with-true-escape.html?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=twpage&utm_campaign=dailyupdate

Sometimes I wish vacation was just around the corner. There is something special that happens when you know vacation is coming. As you go about your day, you breathe deeper. You know you can make it. Rest is coming. Vacations are great, but honestly, they are few and far between. What are we left to do in the mean time?

Feeling Invisible

Sometimes, the everyday demands of life can leave a fray on our souls. Add on top of that, the stress of a less than perfect job, relationship, health --- or an extended period of waiting -- and our souls can easily start to grow calloused. It's like a natural defense mechanism kicks in. We don't want to feel so much. We turn to "auto-pilot" mode. We unconsciously move into a survival mentality and focus on the tasks at hand. We become invisible, even though we go through the motions. Our souls were never designed to merely live functional lives.

Three Gifts

God's original habitat for us -- from the very beginning -- included three gifts:

a garden (beauty)

relationship (community)

1-1 friendship with Him (intimacy)

The Garden of Eden was perfect because it afforded an uninterrupted time away from life-draining work. We may not have a physical Eden any more. But, God has provided a better way: a true escape within us. Himself. We often feel guilty for not drawing close to God enough, but the truth is this: God can find us even in the most desolate places. Sarah's mistress Hagar could not see a way out of her miserable situation.

She ran to the desert. It was there that the Lord spoke to her.

"You are the God who sees me," for she said, "I have now seen the One who sees me." ~ Genesis 16:7-14

God is the living One who sees me. This is how Hagar found the strength to return to less than favorable living arrangement. I don't know if you're in the desert starting this week off. I'm not saying your life has to be full of troubles or hardship. The soul's desert places exist within. When our souls long for escape -- from someone or something -- we have an answer.

It isn't guilt.

It isn't try harder.

The answer is The God who sees me. Wherever you find yourself this week, you are never so far that He cannot find you.

God will speak.

~~~~~

Which of the three Eden gifts are you hungering to escape to find --

- a garden (beauty)?

- relationship (community)?

- 1-1 friendship with Him (intimacy)?

Jesus Dealt with Temptation... Like Me =)

How many times a day are you tempted? Just this morning as my alarm went off I was tempted to sleep just a bit more. I kept telling myself that five more minutes wouldn't hurt. When I finally got up, I thought, Maybe I need two cups of coffee versus one this time. Again, another temptation for what I don't need.

The phone rang and, of course, I was easily distracted by a long conversation, knowing I had a lot of work to do today. Then came time to eat my wheat bran cereal. I really wanted a big plate of bacon and eggs with syrup. Hmmm. But I know it isn't good for me. As the day progressed I made choice after choice, resisting multiple temptations to choose poorly. I wish I could say I was tempted with good things. I never hear anyone say they were tempted to eat a big salad with no dressing or they were tempted to go walking versus sitting on the couch or they were tempted to tithe twice the amount this month.

So what is temptation? Webster's says it the acting of tempting or the state of being tempted especially to evil. Also, a cause or occasion of enticement. Synonyms are allurement, enticement, and seduction. Wow, depending on how you look at it, it can be something really bad or something really good.

Temptation: When It's Bad

We all experience temptation daily. Sometimes the temptation is to eat something we don't need or to say something about someone that isn't truthful or to put off cleaning our homes, etc. And sometimes the temptation is far worse, such as doing drugs, having sex outside of marriage, stealing, looking at porn, etc.

God's Word is full of scripture talking about temptation. From the beginning Adam and Eve were tempted to eat the fruit that God told them not to eat. They fell into temptation because this fruit was advertised as something more than just food. They were tempted with something they wanted or felt they needed beyond God. Something that could give them perceived power. Temptation isn't always just about that minute of control or satisfaction. The enemy uses anything he can to tempt us into changing our lives to serve him versus God.

People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction (1 Tim. 6:9).

The fact that we are tempted is in itself not a sin. Temptation is a part of our lives. It's, of course, what we do when we are tempted. It's having a plan and being ready to deal with it. Jesus knew about temptation. And because he was fully human and single, too, he dealt with all kinds of temptation.

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread." Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God. Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. "If you are the Son of God," he said, "throw yourself down. For it is written: 'He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone." Jesus answered him, "It is also written: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.' Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. "All this I will give you," he said, "if you will bow down and worship me." Jesus said to him, "Away from me, Satan! For it is written: 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.'" Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him (Matt. 4:1-11).

Here's Jesus, a single man, being tempted to have things that perhaps you only thought you could have when you are old, married or financially successful. Jesus was hungry and the enemy enticed him with food. As a single adult, what are you hungry for? Are you craving friends, a spouse, a better job, a better place to live, and/or solutions to your problems? The enemy also tempted Jesus to throw his life away for surely as the Son of God, angels would protect him from death. Jesus knew what it felt like to be tempted, to be encouraged to throw his life away. As a single, do you sometime think you are all alone? That nothing matters? That you should either give up God or give up life? Do you realize when the devil is tempting you it is because the devil is scared? The devil knows the power that lives in you as a believer. He knows the power that can be used to stop him.

Again, the enemy tried to tempt Jesus with possessions and power by showing him all he could have if he bowed down to him. Personally, I have often desired more than what I have. I have wanted to be married, have a bigger home, travel to wonderful places, have servants, have a pedicure each week, etc. Remember, Jesus had nothing. I am sure he was tempted all the time with bigger and better things. Wouldn't you have preferred a variety of food versus fish and bread every day? Maybe a nice soft bed versus the cold, dirty ground? Air conditioning? Someone to wait on you? Someone to drive you from city to city versus having to walk? Jesus knows the enemy. He knows what he tempts us with day after day. He knows the enemy watches us and is preparing an attack.

Hmmm, maybe I will wait ‘til Kris is sad about something and I will tempt her with comfort food ... that always makes her happy, even if it's temporary. Or maybe I will wait till she is tired … she will not want to exercise. I will tempt her and say she needs a break today cause she deserves it. The heavier she gets the closer to death she gets AND the less time she is on this earth to witness, the better. Or maybe I will wait ‘til she is discouraged and feels like quitting to whisper in her ear that no one cares and they never will. The more I can get her focused only on herself, the less she is focused on others and I win. Yes, that is what I will do to her today.

So the enemy knows our weaknesses, our fears and our struggles. He wants us defeated because he knows the power that is within us. So if this is true, then can temptation, meant by the enemy to destroy, actually build us up in Christ? Can it make us stronger? Yes!

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us … (Eph. 3:20).

Temptation: When It's Good (Being Tested)

So can temptation be a good thing? Yes. Often when I am tempted, I wonder sometimes is it temptation by the enemy or testing by God. God himself does not tempt us, but he does test us.

When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone … (James 1:13).

Sometimes, just like with Jesus, temptation can be a good thing. It can draw us closer to God. With Jesus, the fact that he was able to quote back scripture (the truth) to put the devil in his place was a good thing.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance (James 1:2).

Also, to be able to experience making the right choices when tempted is a good thing. We can remind the devil (and even others) of why we are on this earth and what God is doing in our lives (of course you need to know why you are on this earth). That what the devil meant for harm, God can turn for good. The more we are tempted and make the right choices, the more we are giving the glory to God in those choices. We have shown that we are growing. Of course, if we do fail (fall into temptation) and sin, we still have to deal with the consequences. We must quickly ask forgiveness and turn from the sin. We need to make every effort to learn from those consequences.

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it (1 Cor. 10:13).

Action Steps :

PRAY: That you will not fall into temptation. You know yourself and you know the areas in which you struggle. Pray and ask God for his help.

"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak" (Matt. 26:41).

BE IN GOD'S WORD: Simple and easy solution to temptation: be in God's Word more to help battle what's coming—not only to know the truth but also to speak it back to the enemy. Use God's Word to bind the enemy for he does not have any power except what you give him.

Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God" (Matt. 4:4).

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand (Eph. 6:12-13).

FLEE: When we are tempted, the Word says to flee. Don't mess with it. I mean, if you struggle with donuts, run. Just run!

Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart (2 Tim. 2:22).

PLAN AHEAD: If you know you struggle with certain things, plan ahead to avoid the temptation altogether. If you struggle with sexual thoughts, what are you watching on TV that could be tempting you? Maybe it's time to stop watching TV or movies. Personally, I don't own a TV-—not because TV is bad, but I had a hard time with watching too much of it. Also, a lot of it is very sexual or has bad language, violence, etc. If you know you struggle with buying things you don't need at the store, pray about everything you put in your buggy to see if God says you can have it. I have been known to put everything back that was in my cart. Have a group of friends who hold you accountable.

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted (Gal. 6:1).

TAKE TIME: If you are not able to flee, take the time to ask God to help you make the right choice. I know we can't always flee a big buffet dinner or something the boss wants us to watch or being caught in the middle of a bad joke, etc., but we do have a choice on how we react to it.

And remember, HE WILL BE BACK, SO BE READY. The enemy will continue to find ways to tempt you. That is who he is, so be ready.

When the devil had finished all this tempting, he left him until an opportune time (Luke 4:13).

Because Jesus was single like me, he was tempted. He suffered just like we do. He knows what we are going through, and he encourages us each day to stay the course, choosing what is best versus what is now—to learn from our mistakes and to help others in their journey.

For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people. Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted (Heb. 2:17-18).

Questions for Discussion or Personal Exploration:

1. Think about your day today and all the choices you had to make. Were you tempted in any of those circumstances to choose poorly?

2. What are some areas of temptation you struggle in?

3. How have you dwelt with temptation in the past?

4. Where has God brought you in areas of temptation?

5. Re-read 1 Corinthians 10:13. How have you lived this out?

6. How can you help others in their walk with resisting temptation?

Application: Start today to pray and ask to reveal his truth to you. What is God telling you about yourself in regards to temptation? Are there areas of temptation that you continue to fall into that you need to surrender to God? Do you need to seek counseling and a support group to help you stay accountable? What is your next step?

Don't compromise your Christian values...set healthy boundaries.

healthy relationships...

• Are safe -- emotionally, physically
  
  
• Have boundaries that are respected
  
  
• Draw you closer to God -- helping Christian singles to grow spiritually.
  
  
• Do not compromise your Christian values

In healthy relationships you will feel:

• Built up -- the relationship helps you become who God wants you to be.
  
  
• Drawn closer to others in a healthy way
  
  
• Mutual trust, respect, vulnerability, and balanced sense of give and take.
  

Christian singles, you will experience healthy and satisfying relationships by looking for a mate based on Christian principles and choosing to be a person of godly character.

It is common even for Christian singles to be attracted to the outside of a person: their looks, their status, their achievements, and their intelligence. But it is the inside of a person that we experience in relationships.

The time to evaluate character in others is before you get too deeply involved. As Cloud and Townsend say, "When the attachment deepens, the reasoning weakens." The scriptures warn us to "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23.

Christian singles tip:
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23.

What kind of character traits should Christian singles look for?

Ruth and Boaz, two singles from the Bible, exemplify the kind of character traits to look for in a potential mate.

Ruth's character traits were: devotion to God and to family -- the evidence of her character was in her actions. She was humble and teachable. She was focused on her responsibilities. Her faith was in God to provide for her -- she trusted Him for a future spouse. She was a woman of her word. She did what she said she would do.

Boaz was devoted to God and to his farming responsibilities. He did not let his heart become entangled and he was not distracted from his priorities. He was a man of his word. He did what he said he would do. He was a Christ-type -- he exemplified the character and work of Christ - especially in his act of redemption for Ruth.

Christian singles Ruth and Boaz both...

• Depended on God
  
• Followed His commands
• Reflected His character

Becoming a person of character requires that you take ownership

You are the only one that can do it. If you have a pattern of painful relationships take an honest look at your own character traits. To find someone who can connect with you, you must be able to connect. To find someone with good boundaries you must be willing to set Boundaries in Dating

Once you have acknowledged your own negative patterns of behavior in relationships take them to the Lord and confess them for what they are...sin

Once you've identified the problems, make a plan to change. If it's poor boundaries read a book. Set some limits. Develop a support system. Nurture the relationships that you have. Share a little bit more of who you are with safe people. Learn to take risks.

Take care of personal baggage

If you have unresolved issues such as trauma, abuse, abandonment or neglect and you recognize a pattern of painful relationships--find someone who will help you like a pastor or a counselor.

When people have been traumatized by these things as children, they often need to make Changes that Heal in order to function well in close relationships in the future.

Christian singles tip: Develop a plan for spiritual growth...devote yourself to God, His word, and yield to His Holy Spirit.

Finally, Christian singles need a plan for spiritual growth. God's primary work in each of us is to conform us to the image of Christ. As you devote yourself to God and His word, and yield to His Holy Spirit, your character will change.

My final word to Christian singles is make knowing and loving God a priority in your life and look for a potential mate who has committed to the same thing.

feeling used

i'm tired. emotionally exhausted. i don't need this. but why is it so hard to leave? to cut off? i don't feel safe.

i need to reduce my nurturing parent side and to increase my adult ego state. rightly so, i can't always be putting myself out there to protect others, only to hurt myself over and over again.

will have to learn to set emotional boundaries again. i realize how easily it crumbles...

Let Not Your Hearts Be Troubled...

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid ~ John 14:27

Dear Lord, I am feeling unsettled. You know what I struggle with. I pray that you would grant me peace of mind and heart. Grant me wisdom to know what to do, and that I would walk in Your Light.

Please guide me through temptations that I may not fall but will be a worthy testimony for you.. please grant me the strength, Lord...

Blessed =)

Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In ALL your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths ~ Proverbs 3:5-6

Dear Lord,
Thank You for bringing me through the hardships. For helping me persevere and succeed in my CCE. I would not have been able to do it without Your strength, guidance and wisdom.

ALL GLORY TO GOD!

Nothing is Too Hard

"Is there anything too hard for Jehovah?" (Gen. 18:14).

Here is God's loving challenge to you and to me today. He wants us to think of the deepest, highest, worthiest desire and longing of our hearts, something which perhaps was our desire for ourselves or for someone dear to us, yet which has been so long unfulfilled that we have looked upon it as only a lost desire, that which might have been but now cannot be, and so have given up hope of seeing it fulfilled in this life.

That thing, if it is in line with what we know to be His expressed will (as a son to Abraham and Sarah was), God intends to do for us, even if we know that it is of such utter impossibility that we only laugh at the absurdity of anyone's supposing it could ever now come to pass. That thing God intends to do for us, if we will let Him.

"Is anything too hard for the Lord?" Not when we believe in Him enough to go forward and do His will, and let Him do the impossible for us. Even Abraham and Sarah could have blocked God's plan if they had continued to disbelieve. The only thing too hard for Jehovah is deliberate, continued disbelief in His love and power, and our final rejection of His plans for us. Nothing is too hard for Jehovah to do for them that trust Him

Anyway

Bless the day
This restoration is complete
Dirty dusty something must be underneath
So I scrape and I scuff
Though it's never quite enough
I'm starting to see me finally

A gallery of paintings new and paintings old
I guess it's no surprise that I'm no Michelangelo
Every layer of mine hides a lovely design
It might take a little patience
It might take a little time

But you called me beautiful
When you saw my shame
And you placed me on the wall
Anyway

You who have begun this work will someday see
A portrait of the holiness you meant for me
So I polish and shine
til it's easier to find even an outline of mine

But you called me beautiful
When you saw my shame
And you placed me on the wall
Anyway
Anyway
And you placed me on the wall
Anyway

United with Christ

Philippians 2:1-4

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

One thing I do know...

Deciding to come for camp even in the midst of my crazy schedule, preparing for CCE... was the BEST decision I made. Camp is not over yet, but I felt that God has been speaking to me through the talks and through the songs we've been singing.

As i meditated on Psalms 27, i could relate to King David's struggle. but it also reminded me that we need to be remain confident in the Lord, and hope in Him. Be strong and courageous, and wait on the Lord. He is my Light and my Salvation. Whom shall I fear?

I realize in a very personal level now that God has His purpose in allowing me to struggle, to go through pain. He is refining me, to make me beautiful as how He has imagined me to be. He may even be using me, that His Name be glorified!

What certainty the ex-blind man had of his experience with Jesus. He did not know who Jesus was, but one thing he knew - he was blind but now he can see. Even for me, as i struggle at this present time with my condition, it is definitely a test of my faith. I pray that I can stand firm and trust that All is well. God is working out His purpose.

I am uncertain what lies ahead or what is in store, but one thing I do know is that God is in control and He will never forsake me.

To close, I'd like to share this song which became very personal to me tonight as I sing of God's assurance.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BECAUSE HE LIVES!

God sent His son, they called Him, Jesus;
He came to love, heal and forgive;
He lived and died to buy my pardon,
An empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives!

Chorus
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!

How sweet to hold a newborn baby,
And feel the pride and joy he gives;
But greater still the calm assurance:
This child can face uncertain days because He Lives!

Chorus
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!

And then one day, I'll cross the river,
I'll fight life's final war with pain;
And then, as death gives way to vict'ry,
I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He lives!

Chorus
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!

Story of the Potter and the Clay

The story is told of a couple who went to England to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary and shopped at a beautiful antique store. They both liked antiques and pottery,and especially tea-cups,and so spotting an exceptional cup,they asked "May we see that? We've never seen a cup quite so beautiful."

As the lady handed it to them, suddenly the tea-cup spoke... "You don't understand." It said, "I have not always been a tea-cup. There was a time when I was just a lump of red clay. My master took me and rolled me pounded and patted me over and over and I yelled out, Don't do that. I don't like it! "Let me alone," but he only smiled, and gently said; "Not yet!!" "Then, WHAM! I was placed on a spinning wheel and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. "Stop it! I'm getting so dizzy! I'm going to be sick!" I screamed.

But the master only nodded and said, quietly; 'Not yet.'

He spun me and poked and prodded and bent me out of shape to suit himself and then...he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I yelled and knocked and pounded at the door.

"Help! Get me out of here!" 'Not yet.' When I thought I couldn't bear it another minute, the door opened. He carefully took me out and put me on the shelf, and I began to cool.

Oh, that felt so good! "Ah, this is much better," I thought. But, after I cooled he picked me up and he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible.. "Oh, please, Stop it! Stop it!" I cried. He only shook his head and said. "Not yet..."

Then suddenly he put me back into the oven. Only it was not like the first time. This time it was twice as hot and I just knew I would suffocate. I begged... I pleaded... I screamed...I cried... I was convinced I would never make it. I was ready to give up and just then the door opened and he took me out and again placed me on the shelf, where I cooled and waited and waited, wondering "What's he going to do to me next?"

An hour later he handed me a mirror and said "Look at yourself."

And I did... I said, "That's not me, that couldn't be me. It's beautiful. I'm beautiful!"

Quietly he spoke: "I want you to remember, then," he said, "I know it hurt to be rolled and pounded and patted, but had I just left you alone, you'd have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled.

"I know it hurt and it was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn't put you there, you would have cracked. I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened. You would not have had any color in your life.

"And if I hadn't put you back in that second oven, you wouldn't have survived for long because the hardness would not have held. Now you are a finished product. Now you are what I had in mind when I first began with you."

Thoughts:

1. He makes ALL things beautiful in His time (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

2. Trials/struggles are placed before me to test my faith, that i may develop perseverance... to mold me and shape me, that i will lack nothing. And i will receive a crown of Life if I am able to trust Him and persevere through it all! (James 1: 2 - 4, 12)

mind in disarray

Sometimes, i don't know if i'm over-reacting about my diagnosis. Sometimes, i tell myself, i'm ok. nothing seems to be wrong... yet. I'm still functioning fine. My usual line, "if i didn't tell you about my condition, you wouldn't have known, right?".

i decided to educate myself about the risk factors, the possible future ahead of me. the first time i read it, it started to sink in. but my defenses fell when i read this sentence aloud: "Stroke occurs when the blood supply to a part of the brain is suddenly blocked or diminished, which alters the body function controlled by that area of the brain. This is often referred to as a “brain attack.” If any part of the body - including the brain - is without a source of fresh blood and oxygen, the cells will be injured or may die. Although some cell injury is reversible, the death of brain cells is permanent, usually leaving lasting disability".

"death of brain cells is permanent, usually leaving lasting disability". I found myself staring at this short phrase, but it had such a huge impact on me.

Here I am, a usually strong character... feeling broken and destitute. what am i to do, Lord? What CAN i do?

And God answered my prayer... through a FB app.

On this day, God wants me to know... that all is well. All is going according to plan. Trust that there is a bigger picture. Trust that life is unfolding as it should.

All is going according to plan. There is a bigger picture. and I need to trust God that life is unfolding as it should. And i remembered what my first few words were to God when i received the diagnosis, "Your Will be done".

Again, today, a reminder from God that He IS in control...

On this day, God wants me to know... that it's time you let go. Yes, of course, you want to control so everything happens in just the way you want it. But at the end of the day, we control nothing, - it's all in God's hands, - has always been, and will always be. So, do what you can, and then let go, and let God handle the rest.

My human hands can only do so much, only God can take full control of my situation. I'm full of fear. I admit it. But i need to learn to let go, and let God take over.

Please Lord, grant me peace. grant me serenity. grant me strength. grant me comfort... Amen.

Jesus Lead me All the Way...

This verse was shared during Sunday morning Service, and I felt God was reminding me in the midst of the recent discovery/happenings. Just shows that God is forever faithful =)

Isaiah 26: 3 - 4"You will keep in perfect peace, him whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal."

What struck me were these two words, "perfect" and "eternal". Nothing can be perfect or eternal except my Father in Heaven. and i think that just gives me a lot of assurance that He has everything in control. I will cling on to the Rock which will never sway, and He will grant me perfect peace whenever i'm troubled or in dispair... all i need to do is TRUST.

This song which has been on my mind since Wednesday was also sung in church. another great reminder :)

All the way my Savior leads me;

What have I to ask beside?

Can I doubt His tender mercy,

Who through life has been my Guide?

Heav'nly peace, divinest comfort,

Here by faith in Him to dwell!

For I know, whate’er befall me,

Jesus doeth all things well

All the way my Savior leads me,

Cheers each winding path I tread;

Gives me grace for every trial,

Feeds me with the living Bread.

Though my weary steps may falter,

And my soul athirst may be,

Gushing from the Rock before me,

Lo! A spring of joy I see

All the way my Savior leads me

O the fullness of His love!

Perfect rest to me is promised

In my Father’s house above.

When my spirit, clothed immortal,

Wings its flight to realms of day

This my song through endless ages—

Jesus led me all the way

Amen.

Tian, you're home with the Lord. You'll be missed...

What happened was a tragedy, but we know you're in a better place and you're with the Lord now. Rest in peace, Tian..

Am praying for your family that is left behind, your dear sister and parents...

Help me, O Lord

20/7/11

The day that I walked into the doctor's office in the hospital with thoughts of, "i should be able to grab my MRI results and go to work. shouldn't take too much time" was replaced with "I have what??"

My natural instincts took over, and pray was all i could do. "Lord, please help me. I cannot do this alone. I know You are in control. Not my will be done, but Yours". my defense mechanism worked its magic. I sat there, composed... doing what a rational person would do. asking further questions about causes, risk factors... seeking for answers that couldn't be given to me at that time. then it struck me. Could it be genetic? another question left unanswered.

all this months of struggling with my emotions, it happened again. all i could say was... i'm concerned. when really, i knew i was scared. but i pushed the fear of the unknown aside. i surrendered myself to God, but i knew that i was still struggling. struggling to take this information in. it hadn't sunk in yet. all i could do... was hope.

as i look back, i think seeing the clinical psychologist at that time did not achieve its purpose as i was still in shock, and my defense mechanism was working at its optimal level., plus my inability to express my fear made it seem that i was composed.

driving back, that was when it hit me. "did i just go to the hospital and was given a diagnosis?". And i remembered, "i need to do more tests so they can be sure how to treat me". it was surreal. a sense of loneliness began to creep in. during my nap, i dreamt i was searching for hugs to comfort me.

as day turned into night, my challenge became more difficult when i found out more information about the diagnosis, and i realized i really had no physical person... a Christian, i could turn to. rejected by a family member who found it more important to rush to watch a movie. rejected by an accountability partner who had nothing to say and was tired. rejected by a friend who shocked me by asking, "why are you upset", as though i shouldn't be. rejected by another whose first words was, "i'm not intending to break my fast".

desperate, i debated with myself. "she doesn't share the same faith as i do, would she be able to comfort me?" but i could take it no longer, and i dialed her number.. as usual, my strong mode took the lead. showing no initial signs that i needed help by asking her how she was and what she was doing... but then, later... all i could say was, "i need someone to talk to. i have no one". to my surprised, she said she would come over. I knew she would listen, but i didn't expect her to do more than that. what was more, she stayed with me way past her bedtime. her presence was a gift to me that night. she knew that i didn't only need someone to talk to, but someone to be there for me.

As i reflected. I wondered what was the difference between what she did as compared to the others. Yes, the others said they prayed for me, and i appreciate that. and I was told again and again that God will comfort me. true, i believe with all my heart that God will comfort me, but only one person reached out and became the instrument of comfort. she was indeed, God-sent.

waking up today, it still feels surreal. i'm still scared.. but i'll try to be hopeful and cling on to God. but please, don't just push the responsibility to God to comfort me and wash your hands off my case.

a hug would be nice....

special

someone i really respected shared really meaningful words with me. i never realized it, but it was a really nice feeling when being told that i've always been an encouragement... and that is one of the reasons why its so hard to say goodbye.

also, to be told that she has prayed for many students, and i was the first to pray for her.

and today, for her to share that i have the gift of caring... that really touched my heart.

i really cherish her heart-felt hugs. the way she says "thank you" to me. i think those are really genuine moments. today, i felt like her buddy =)

boundaries

useful tips... easier said than done.. but its a start.

identify and explore core belief (to see how it affects behavior) --> use problem solving skills/socratic reasoning

Explore Diclemente's stages of change; list down pros and cons

Using functional analysis (ABC model) to draw the cycle of events and to point out thought patterns that lead to the behaviors.

Use motivational interviewing skills

homework: thought stopping, coping cards

UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD

makes me realize why its not advisable to have friends as clients. always wondered, can you be a friend and make-shift therapist at the same time? or are we supposed to "separate" our work and personal life?

confused

i don't know what is happening... is there a push-pull? am i allowing it to happen? am i letting my guard down? i just realize i soften easily... its my personality, i guess... need to CBT myself. what is my core belief. is there something i need to prove about myself? but i'm secure. i guess i just wish for deeper relationships? i just realized that a lot of my friendships are dwindling... or just getting more superficial.

it gets lonely sometimes...

time for reflection

at the moment, i can't really think straight.. but these fill my mind, which i think i'm just going to jot down.. and ponder upon them when my "sight" is clearer.

migraines, lung infection, twisted ankle, partially torn ligament, feeling hopeless, replaced, weak, inadequate, evaluation, performance, lonely, need reassurance.. having a good friend tell me that i'm not whom i used to be when he was 10. shaky optimism. facade. exhausted. feeling bad. workaholic. trying hard to prove myself. to some extent, a hypocrite?

gentle reminder..

God never fails to amaze me.. read this and was reminded of His Will when i read this email..

We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense. Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort; God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy.

We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.

Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life. No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for. You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems.

If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, which is my problem, my issues, my pain.' But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off your-self and onto God and others.

You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life.

take heart

am feeling awful due to the relentless migraine that has been making me miserable. doesn't help when my painkiller makes things worse (i.e. side effects).

I'm in desperate need of prayer. I'm really anxious as I've been struggling to work on my thesis due to my sickness. However, my accountability partner encouraged me yesterday, explaining that God has His plans, a reason why He'd let me go through this. and that He will rescue me. I really need to depend on Him now, cause i know definitely I can't do this on my own. I have no strength in me.

I really want comfort.. I need a hug..

breathe in.. breathe out...

plagued with migraine for the past 3 weeks. think I'm fatigued and burdened. couldn't even get a referral to see a specialist from my doctor. Is it really so hard for me even to seek a second opinion?

Really surrendering to the Lord that everything is alright. I want to do something about it, but I'm at wits end. blocked at every turn. If possible, I don't want to be dependent on painkillers. I need to manage the pain. but others (with more authority), do not see that.

sigh.

I need to relax...

floodgates opened

I'm just tired of this. being discouraged, people assuming things and talking as though they know EVERYTHING. being lonely.

I cried today. after praying. tears just started flowing when I told God how lonely I felt. its not the first time I've prayed about this. but this time, I cried. its been a really long time since I've cried. In a sense, I "lost" my ability to cry. But I got it back today.

but I'm thankful for the few people (and when i said few, i mean 3) i could talk to. Just forget the people who can't be bothered. I'm trying to focus on people who actually seem to care and not so self-centered.

But Lord, please grant me strength. I really need to know Your Will.

a desperate prayer...

Dear Lord and Heavenly Father,

Please help me. I'm finding it so difficult to "consider it pure joy" when I'm faced with the recent trials. I don't understand how I'm expected to help resolve the problems when the people who can actually work on the ROOT of the issue do not want to hear me out.

Lord, I know I'm supposed to learn patience but I'm so tired. You know how discouraged and depleted I am. I really am trying to draw strength from You... but I'm struggling. Please teach me to rely on You more. I really REALLY want to depend fully on You, Lord.

Please take away my worries, my cares, my migraines.. I need You, Lord. I need Your comfort..

consider it pure joy...

In cell group, we've begun our study on the Book of James.

I know what occurs is not a matter of coincidence, as the first chapter of James speaks of trials and temptations - something I've been meditating upon.

James 1:2-6,9-12 ~ Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. I any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. but when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind... The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business. Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him.

consider it "pure joy" when I'm going through pain. wow.. I think to myself, how is that humanly possible? How do I give thanks to God for discouragement and hard times?

What struck me during the discussion was the example of Jesus. How could he sleep through the storm while his disciples, who were mostly experienced fishermen, were frantically trying to save themselves and the boat? Its because Jesus knew God was in control. He did not have to fear. In fact, He himself was the God of creation.

This reminds me of Philippians 4:4,6-7 ~ Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!... Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

The Bible points out that if we surrender EVERYTHING to the Lord in prayer, He will lead us through and grant us peace. We don't have to worry when God is on our side, as He has our best interest. Moreover, God works for the good of those who love him, and who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28).

Does that mean that life will be a bed of roses, no problems whatsoever? Of course not. Many, many times, I do not understand what I have to go through, but at hindsight, I see that there is a reason for things to happen. Sometimes I may not even see it, but I just have to have faith that this is part of God's perfect plan and it is to reveal His Glory (1 Peter 4:12-13). Plus, its also for us comfort others just as we have received comfort from God (2 Corinthians 1:3-11).

The discussion went on to, what a trial was. Am I sometimes too proud till certain things bother me when it need not be the case? Does something get on my nerves because it was not up to my (high) expectations? I was then reminded of my trip to Cambodia last year. Meeting with the young believers there. Seeing the JOY in their faces, even when they had NOTHING in comparison to me. It seemed so easy for them to name the many things that they could be thankful for, even when they were struggling to make a living, cycling half an hour to go for classes and work, living in a small hut with 5-6 family members, wearing torn and tattered clothes.. And there I was... with money in my pocket, having comfortable clothes to wear, never having to worry about my next meal, and yet... was struggling to give thanks to God for His blessings. I will never forget the smiles on their faces. The generosity shown, even when they had little, if nothing, to spare.

LESSON LEARNED:
I really need to practice humility, and to stop depending on myself when trouble arises. Its definitely easier said than done, but I need to try...

thorn in my flesh

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Learning to give thanks for trials that come my way..

timely reminder

Was very discouraged lately. resentful even to a point as I felt that I was giving too much of myself. Depleted. Was wondering if my efforts were even worth it. There was so much anger inside, I could only pray that God will grant me peace and comfort.

today, God reminded me what my role was.. and what was most important.

2 Corinthians 9:7 ~ Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

Its not what I do or how much I give. Its useless if I do it grudgingly. What matters is the heart. Something for me to consider as I try to take some time to reflect on my ministries/service to God.

The thing is, I can only be a good steward for God if I depend on Christ for strength (Philippians 4:13 ~ I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me). I have limited resources. But God provides with abundance. But what is important is my WILLINGNESS to be used by Him.

Another verse that struck me today was 1 Corinthians 15:58 ~ Therefore my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

Reading this verse, it was as though a burden lifted from me, and I stopped doubting my efforts. I am reminded that I may not see the fruits of my labor, but they will be harvested... in due time.

God does answer prayers. Thank You, Lord.