thorn in my flesh

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Learning to give thanks for trials that come my way..

timely reminder

Was very discouraged lately. resentful even to a point as I felt that I was giving too much of myself. Depleted. Was wondering if my efforts were even worth it. There was so much anger inside, I could only pray that God will grant me peace and comfort.

today, God reminded me what my role was.. and what was most important.

2 Corinthians 9:7 ~ Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

Its not what I do or how much I give. Its useless if I do it grudgingly. What matters is the heart. Something for me to consider as I try to take some time to reflect on my ministries/service to God.

The thing is, I can only be a good steward for God if I depend on Christ for strength (Philippians 4:13 ~ I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me). I have limited resources. But God provides with abundance. But what is important is my WILLINGNESS to be used by Him.

Another verse that struck me today was 1 Corinthians 15:58 ~ Therefore my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

Reading this verse, it was as though a burden lifted from me, and I stopped doubting my efforts. I am reminded that I may not see the fruits of my labor, but they will be harvested... in due time.

God does answer prayers. Thank You, Lord.

feeling uneasy

a lot of things happening. can't say its at the back of my mind, as i feel that I'm constantly thinking about them. many things that are kept in and not expressed.

i think i just feel tired. emotionally and mentally.

i need a hug.

feeling uneasy...

reciprocity would be nice...

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up" 1 Thess 5:11a

All these years, I've been trying to love, to encourage, to build people up and not tear down, to be strong... but I've come to realize that I can't play that role 24/7. Its tough, but I have to admit - I can't love all the time. I can't encourage all the time. I can't build people up all the time. I can't be strong ALL the time.

I'm only human.

Its like eating humble pie, but really... I'm no superhuman. people shouldn't expect me to be one, and neither should I. Sometimes people forget, that givers also do appreciate it when they get to receive. It doesn't have to be big, but sometimes, just being acknowledged would be nice. Just knowing that I am a little bit, even though just a little bit, significant will suffice. no fancy gifts needed. thank you.

Honestly, it gets lonely. To love, but be rejected or sidelined. To encourage, but not receive encouragement at times of distress. To build people up, but in turn am torn down. To continuously be strong for others, but not receive support. Being in the field that I am right now doesn't help either, as it's an "isolated" profession. But really, does it make sense that the helper does not need any help? If a person ministers, does that mean he/she does not require to be ministered?

Am I disillusioned? I don't know. Maybe? All I know, is that I feel weary. And I desperately cling on to God's promise:

Matt 11:28 - "Come unto me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest"

Truth be told, I do feel drained out. Am I not trusting God enough to let go, to let Him take control? Probable. I know that God is all-knowing and He hears my prayers, but I guess sometimes I wish I had someone I could talk to whenever I was troubled, to have someone listen, to be prayed for, to have a comforting hand on my shoulder.

don't get me wrong. I love to serve, but it wouldn't hurt to be supported in my service.

reciprocity would be nice...