gentle reminder..

God never fails to amaze me.. read this and was reminded of His Will when i read this email..

We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense. Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort; God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy.

We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.

Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life. No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for. You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems.

If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, which is my problem, my issues, my pain.' But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off your-self and onto God and others.

You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life.

take heart

am feeling awful due to the relentless migraine that has been making me miserable. doesn't help when my painkiller makes things worse (i.e. side effects).

I'm in desperate need of prayer. I'm really anxious as I've been struggling to work on my thesis due to my sickness. However, my accountability partner encouraged me yesterday, explaining that God has His plans, a reason why He'd let me go through this. and that He will rescue me. I really need to depend on Him now, cause i know definitely I can't do this on my own. I have no strength in me.

I really want comfort.. I need a hug..

breathe in.. breathe out...

plagued with migraine for the past 3 weeks. think I'm fatigued and burdened. couldn't even get a referral to see a specialist from my doctor. Is it really so hard for me even to seek a second opinion?

Really surrendering to the Lord that everything is alright. I want to do something about it, but I'm at wits end. blocked at every turn. If possible, I don't want to be dependent on painkillers. I need to manage the pain. but others (with more authority), do not see that.

sigh.

I need to relax...

floodgates opened

I'm just tired of this. being discouraged, people assuming things and talking as though they know EVERYTHING. being lonely.

I cried today. after praying. tears just started flowing when I told God how lonely I felt. its not the first time I've prayed about this. but this time, I cried. its been a really long time since I've cried. In a sense, I "lost" my ability to cry. But I got it back today.

but I'm thankful for the few people (and when i said few, i mean 3) i could talk to. Just forget the people who can't be bothered. I'm trying to focus on people who actually seem to care and not so self-centered.

But Lord, please grant me strength. I really need to know Your Will.

a desperate prayer...

Dear Lord and Heavenly Father,

Please help me. I'm finding it so difficult to "consider it pure joy" when I'm faced with the recent trials. I don't understand how I'm expected to help resolve the problems when the people who can actually work on the ROOT of the issue do not want to hear me out.

Lord, I know I'm supposed to learn patience but I'm so tired. You know how discouraged and depleted I am. I really am trying to draw strength from You... but I'm struggling. Please teach me to rely on You more. I really REALLY want to depend fully on You, Lord.

Please take away my worries, my cares, my migraines.. I need You, Lord. I need Your comfort..

consider it pure joy...

In cell group, we've begun our study on the Book of James.

I know what occurs is not a matter of coincidence, as the first chapter of James speaks of trials and temptations - something I've been meditating upon.

James 1:2-6,9-12 ~ Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. I any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. but when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind... The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business. Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him.

consider it "pure joy" when I'm going through pain. wow.. I think to myself, how is that humanly possible? How do I give thanks to God for discouragement and hard times?

What struck me during the discussion was the example of Jesus. How could he sleep through the storm while his disciples, who were mostly experienced fishermen, were frantically trying to save themselves and the boat? Its because Jesus knew God was in control. He did not have to fear. In fact, He himself was the God of creation.

This reminds me of Philippians 4:4,6-7 ~ Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!... Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

The Bible points out that if we surrender EVERYTHING to the Lord in prayer, He will lead us through and grant us peace. We don't have to worry when God is on our side, as He has our best interest. Moreover, God works for the good of those who love him, and who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28).

Does that mean that life will be a bed of roses, no problems whatsoever? Of course not. Many, many times, I do not understand what I have to go through, but at hindsight, I see that there is a reason for things to happen. Sometimes I may not even see it, but I just have to have faith that this is part of God's perfect plan and it is to reveal His Glory (1 Peter 4:12-13). Plus, its also for us comfort others just as we have received comfort from God (2 Corinthians 1:3-11).

The discussion went on to, what a trial was. Am I sometimes too proud till certain things bother me when it need not be the case? Does something get on my nerves because it was not up to my (high) expectations? I was then reminded of my trip to Cambodia last year. Meeting with the young believers there. Seeing the JOY in their faces, even when they had NOTHING in comparison to me. It seemed so easy for them to name the many things that they could be thankful for, even when they were struggling to make a living, cycling half an hour to go for classes and work, living in a small hut with 5-6 family members, wearing torn and tattered clothes.. And there I was... with money in my pocket, having comfortable clothes to wear, never having to worry about my next meal, and yet... was struggling to give thanks to God for His blessings. I will never forget the smiles on their faces. The generosity shown, even when they had little, if nothing, to spare.

LESSON LEARNED:
I really need to practice humility, and to stop depending on myself when trouble arises. Its definitely easier said than done, but I need to try...