Sometimes, i don't know if i'm over-reacting about my diagnosis. Sometimes, i tell myself, i'm ok. nothing seems to be wrong... yet. I'm still functioning fine. My usual line, "if i didn't tell you about my condition, you wouldn't have known, right?".
i decided to educate myself about the risk factors, the possible future ahead of me. the first time i read it, it started to sink in. but my defenses fell when i read this sentence aloud: "Stroke occurs when the blood supply to a part of the brain is suddenly blocked or diminished, which alters the body function controlled by that area of the brain. This is often referred to as a “brain attack.” If any part of the body - including the brain - is without a source of fresh blood and oxygen, the cells will be injured or may die. Although some cell injury is reversible, the death of brain cells is permanent, usually leaving lasting disability".
"death of brain cells is permanent, usually leaving lasting disability". I found myself staring at this short phrase, but it had such a huge impact on me.
Here I am, a usually strong character... feeling broken and destitute. what am i to do, Lord? What CAN i do?
And God answered my prayer... through a FB app.
On this day, God wants me to know... that all is well. All is going according to plan. Trust that there is a bigger picture. Trust that life is unfolding as it should.
All is going according to plan. There is a bigger picture. and I need to trust God that life is unfolding as it should. And i remembered what my first few words were to God when i received the diagnosis, "Your Will be done".
Again, today, a reminder from God that He IS in control...
On this day, God wants me to know... that it's time you let go. Yes, of course, you want to control so everything happens in just the way you want it. But at the end of the day, we control nothing, - it's all in God's hands, - has always been, and will always be. So, do what you can, and then let go, and let God handle the rest.
My human hands can only do so much, only God can take full control of my situation. I'm full of fear. I admit it. But i need to learn to let go, and let God take over.
Please Lord, grant me peace. grant me serenity. grant me strength. grant me comfort... Amen.
