I can't believe today is the last day of 2015. It's been a year of mixed feelings. An eventful year, and yet... I feel like I did not do much. Many times I had to sit back instead of joining joyous occasions because my health wouldn't permit me to participate.
As I attempt to quieten myself and be more aware of how I treated myself, I realize I'm rather unforgiving towards myself. I tend to hold high expectations of myself... And I'm slowly uncovering how this pattern came about. I can't wait to start my spiritual direction sessions.
One question that has been popping up in my head is "am I OK?"
To be honest. I don't know what is the answer to that question. I seem to have been going with the flow, at times feeling helpless. I've been exhausted. Even reflecting and pondering while writing this blog, mentally drains me and I feel I need a nap to recover from the exhaustion.
One thing I want to remind myself is that my journey is still unpredictable and uncertain, but I hope I will never forget that God is holding my hand and He is in control. Please Lord, I pray that You will continue to guide me and to comfort me when I'm discouraged. Your mercies are new every morning.
Thursday, 31 December 2015
Wednesday, 30 December 2015
When words escape me
Today, I experienced a breakdown... After struggling for quite some time, and having held back frustration and anger, I was going to explode.
La la la
La la la
La la la
I'm feeling drained... Discouraged...
As I cried, this song came to my head.. It has become my prayer..
If a picture's worth a thousand words, what are they?
And since Your spirit intercedes for me
What do You hear when I pray?
And since Your spirit intercedes for me
What do You hear when I pray?
'Cause I'm finding it hard to find the words
To let You know how my heart can hurt
So I'll sing a tune and let You fill in the words
To let You know how my heart can hurt
So I'll sing a tune and let You fill in the words
La la la
La la la
La la la
La la la
La la la
It's comforting to know my words aren't all You hear
I can talk to You with laughter
And I can talk to You in tears
I can talk to You with laughter
And I can talk to You in tears
And I don't have to know just what to say
For You to hear me when I pray
So I'll sing a part and let you read my heart
For You to hear me when I pray
So I'll sing a part and let you read my heart
La la la
La la la
La la la
'Cause I'm finding it hard to find the words
To let You know how my heart can hurt
So I'll sing a tune and let You fill in the words
To let You know how my heart can hurt
So I'll sing a tune and let You fill in the words
La la la
La la la
La la la
La la la
La la la