boundaries

useful tips... easier said than done.. but its a start.

identify and explore core belief (to see how it affects behavior) --> use problem solving skills/socratic reasoning

Explore Diclemente's stages of change; list down pros and cons

Using functional analysis (ABC model) to draw the cycle of events and to point out thought patterns that lead to the behaviors.

Use motivational interviewing skills

homework: thought stopping, coping cards

UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD

makes me realize why its not advisable to have friends as clients. always wondered, can you be a friend and make-shift therapist at the same time? or are we supposed to "separate" our work and personal life?

confused

i don't know what is happening... is there a push-pull? am i allowing it to happen? am i letting my guard down? i just realize i soften easily... its my personality, i guess... need to CBT myself. what is my core belief. is there something i need to prove about myself? but i'm secure. i guess i just wish for deeper relationships? i just realized that a lot of my friendships are dwindling... or just getting more superficial.

it gets lonely sometimes...

time for reflection

at the moment, i can't really think straight.. but these fill my mind, which i think i'm just going to jot down.. and ponder upon them when my "sight" is clearer.

migraines, lung infection, twisted ankle, partially torn ligament, feeling hopeless, replaced, weak, inadequate, evaluation, performance, lonely, need reassurance.. having a good friend tell me that i'm not whom i used to be when he was 10. shaky optimism. facade. exhausted. feeling bad. workaholic. trying hard to prove myself. to some extent, a hypocrite?

gentle reminder..

God never fails to amaze me.. read this and was reminded of His Will when i read this email..

We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense. Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort; God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy.

We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.

Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life. No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for. You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems.

If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, which is my problem, my issues, my pain.' But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off your-self and onto God and others.

You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life.

take heart

am feeling awful due to the relentless migraine that has been making me miserable. doesn't help when my painkiller makes things worse (i.e. side effects).

I'm in desperate need of prayer. I'm really anxious as I've been struggling to work on my thesis due to my sickness. However, my accountability partner encouraged me yesterday, explaining that God has His plans, a reason why He'd let me go through this. and that He will rescue me. I really need to depend on Him now, cause i know definitely I can't do this on my own. I have no strength in me.

I really want comfort.. I need a hug..

breathe in.. breathe out...

plagued with migraine for the past 3 weeks. think I'm fatigued and burdened. couldn't even get a referral to see a specialist from my doctor. Is it really so hard for me even to seek a second opinion?

Really surrendering to the Lord that everything is alright. I want to do something about it, but I'm at wits end. blocked at every turn. If possible, I don't want to be dependent on painkillers. I need to manage the pain. but others (with more authority), do not see that.

sigh.

I need to relax...

floodgates opened

I'm just tired of this. being discouraged, people assuming things and talking as though they know EVERYTHING. being lonely.

I cried today. after praying. tears just started flowing when I told God how lonely I felt. its not the first time I've prayed about this. but this time, I cried. its been a really long time since I've cried. In a sense, I "lost" my ability to cry. But I got it back today.

but I'm thankful for the few people (and when i said few, i mean 3) i could talk to. Just forget the people who can't be bothered. I'm trying to focus on people who actually seem to care and not so self-centered.

But Lord, please grant me strength. I really need to know Your Will.