I've been feeling rather emotional - envy, sadness, frustration, insecurity, helplessness... And it's due to many reasons. Yeah, a lot of negative vibe around me right now. I'm aware why I'm feeling them and what's contributing to them... but I'm ashamed to admit it. Sometimes I feel like my depression is setting back in again. Sometimes... I wonder why I even bother. Why do I feel so much? It sucks. I feel trapped in my wave of emotions, that seems to be attacking me and weighing me down.
Sometimes I ask myself why I try so hard? Why do I set certain standards? Are they really too idealistic? Life feels so unfair. I've really tried really hard. Maybe it's because I'm indirect? I don't know. I'm feeling so drained, lost and alone. I know with me feeling depressed, my perceptions are tainted (hopefully). I just wish I could get out of this. It feels so debilitating.
I feel like I'm spiraling down to depths of despair. I cry so easily... but only behind closed doors. Sometimes when talking to people, it takes a lot for me to hold back tears. The person who has witnessed most of my crying now is my spiritual director. Lord, please help me...
sigh.
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