hypocrisy

I am feeling weary and disappointed. Seeing a father who is supposedly the elder of a church be hypocritical (all my life), is a disappointment. To actually realize our interactions throughout my life has been rather emotionally abusive, is also disappointing. I think for all my years, I've been in denial, not expecting that a father who supposedly preaches God's Love and service does the exact opposite at home, but puts on a facade for others. A hypocrite, that's what it is. 

It makes me wonder how I am supposed to honor or obey this particular parent. But the Bible states that obedience needs to be in obedience in the Lord. and right now, whatever is happening is not Christ-like. Insults being hurled at me is not at all what the Father in Heaven would do. Ironically Screaming and shouting, stating I am rude, is not godly. Saying I should just keep doing everything by myself and kill myself doing it, while he just sits and idles, is not what a Christian should act.

I realize that I have rejected the very being of my dad. So much so, that it has shaped me as a different person (except for my stubbornness). My dad is egotistical, self-serving and entitled. He isn't present when others are trying to have conversations with others. He feels it is beneath him to learn from others. like wow.

anyway, i am just processing my thoughts here..