So... I've been able to slow down my body quite a bit to allow my muscles to heal. But one thing I struggle with, is slowing down my mind. In fact, due to me slowing down physically, I've been absorbing my surroundings a lot more, which in turn leads me to observe dynamics and my own thoughts and responses.
Because my mind is so full and overwhelming, I've resorted to jotting down all my reflections as an outlet for my thoughts. Hence the influx of posts of late. But I need to slow my thoughts down too. While i'm trying to be intentional with my actions, I think I need to be mindful of the present as well. Taking one step at a time. I recognize I've been getting ahead of myself and my thoughts and questions tend to spiral. I literally have been having conversations with myself on a daily basis since my hospitalizations. Self-talk on its own is normal, but it feels like a very noisy/chaotic internal debate right now.
The ACT approach that I practice, suggests this mindfulness training technique - allowing thoughts to just flow past. You can use the analogy of leaves on a stream or boats in a river. So happen I came across this joke and I can totally relate to it.
That's my mind right there. Totally cluttered and thoughts just bumping into each other. (talking about perfect timing, a therapist friend just shared this to our group whatsapp too. strange no?)
But jokes aside, I think I need to be more purposeful in grounding myself to reality by using my senses. And i've been trying some of these strategies.
Smell: I've been applying my lavender oil and sniffing it (i'm now sounding like an addict, well... at least it's not glue).
Touch: I've been clenching and unclenching my fists, wiggle my toes and just mindfully planting my feet on the ground. I've also been hugging my gigantic bear in my room (I named it Huggy for a reason).
I'm also taking deep breaths and focusing on inhaling and exhaling. I realize whenever I'm mindfully practising these grounding techniques, they do work but it is definitely a battle with my brain. Maybe I need to get out to nature again. That does tend to settle me down quite well. Lying in a river would be even better, but that's not an option at this time. Sad.
God, please help put a rest to my thoughts. I'm feeling worn out by them. Help me discern what is helpful and what isn't. It feels like I am behaving like Peter - being distracted by the winds and waves again, Please guide me to be rooted in Your wisdom and understanding.
Update: While lying in bed yesterday with Huggy and mindfully doing deep breathing exercises, these bible verses came to mind.
Philippians 4:6-7 ~ "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus"
Psalm 46:10 ~ "Be still and know that I am God"
Exodus 14:14 ~ "The LORD will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace"
Not only my body needs to be still, my thoughts need to be decluttered. it's definitely still a work in progress, but Lord, please help me trust Your plan and process. Please grant me peace in You.
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