Be Still, My Soul (Thy Lord is on Thy Side)

Sometimes I teether between frustration and acceptance. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm being morbid. Sometimes, I want to just focus on what I can do now. Sometimes, I feel confused, unsure what is to happen next. Sometimes, I'm reminded to just be, and be present. Sometimes, when I'm reminded by certain deep, personal conversations, my heart grieves as I recognize that others are impacted by my health conditions. 

Many emotions run through me. And sometimes I wonder if my body is reacting to these emotions. I find myself bargaining with God whenever the symptoms intensify - "No, God... no more hospitalizations. I don't want to be stuck in the hospital. Please let me recover so I can get back to doing the work You have granted me". This has truly been an experience of surrendering my entire being to Him, to trust that He will provide what is needed, that He will grant my tired body, strength.

Time and time again, I'm reminded to be still and know He is God. In fact, just today, I was wondering whether my deteriorating processing speed and slow word recall is a way for God to slow me down. I used to multitask and not be mindful. But now, I am practically forced to take my time so I can get through the day. 

Anyway, as I was reflecting on this... this song came to my mind. Another apt way that the Lord reaches me. 

Be Still, My Soul

Be still, my soul, The Lord is on thy side
Bear patiently, the cross of grief or pain
Leave to thy God, to order and provide
In every change, He faithful will remain
Be still, my soul, thy best thy heavenly friend
Through thorny ways, leads to a joyful end

Be still, my soul, thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake
All now mysterious shall be bright at last
Be still, my soul, the waves and wind still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below

In You I rest, in You I found my hope
In You I trust, You never let me go
I place my life within Your hands alone
Be still, my soul

Be still, my soul, the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored
Be still, my soul, when change and tears are past
All safe and blessed, we shall meet at last

In You I rest, in You I found my hope
In You I trust, You never let me go
I place my life within Your hands alone
Be still, my soul

In You I rest, in You I found my hope
In You I trust, You never let me go
I place my life within Your hands alone
Be still, my soul
Be still, my soul
Be still, my soul