God's Timing Part 2

As mentioned in my prior post, "God's Timing Part 1", a friend and colleague had come in my time of sorrow while I was hospitalized. As we spoke and gave space for silence, two Bible stories came to her mind - the fall of Jericho and Peter walking on water. At the time that I reflected on these two stories, it was nearing Good Friday and Easter. And the dots began to connect. These two Bible stories, one from the Old Testament and the other from the New Testament helped enrich my appreciation of God's ultimate plan to save us, and helped me find my footing again.  

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Bible Story #1: The Fall of Jericho (Joshua 5:14 - 6:27)

This was a familiar Bible story to me, but I had not really considered it's practical applications for me as an adult now. As a child, it was just one of those amazing miracles that Bible is peppered with. But reading this passage again, as an adult, I placed myself in the shoes of Joshua and the fighting men, and I wondered what would have gone through their minds. How did they feel when God gave them His instructions. 

My realist mind had these questions:

"What? We're going to war but all we're supposed to do is to march round the city walls and have the priests blow the trumpets? And we're supposed to do this for 6 days? Oh, and you're telling me we're only supposed to shout and make all the noise we can on the 7th day? How are we going to win a war this way? This does not make ANY sense"

(I would have been one of the Israelites that would have been left in the desert to die before reaching the Promise land due to my doubting attitude and grumbling behaviours. and that is a wake up call on its own)

Really... If I'm truly honest with myself, if I were one of the men, I would have struggled with these instruction with God and probably would have tried to come up with other plans. But we read that Joshua, the priests and the men TRUSTED and OBEYED that God would fulfill His promise to them. What struck me was that God had used a past tense (according to the English Bible), "See, I have delivered Jericho into your hands, along with its king and its fighting men." Victory was already ensured. Jericho did not fall thanks to the effort of the Israelites. Jericho fell because God deemed it to be so. God had set His plan into motion already. What the Israelites needed to do was to BELIEVE and to FOLLOW God's command. 

Honestly, I have been feeling disheartened of late. I felt God was dangling a carrot in front of my face with the IJM position, something I likened to a dream job. A friend commented that the job description "fit like a glove" with my personality and my passion. And then my second hospitalization occured when already I was weighing in on my health status. Impulsively, I really just wanted to drop everything to take this job on. A later conversation with an activist friend helped to slow me down and process my thoughts - what attracted me to do this job? She also reminded me of the bureaucratic realities that come with this job, and the frustrations and stress I would encounter. In fact, because of my hospitalization, I had the chance to reconnect with a friend whom I could talk to that would help clear my thoughts on wether IJM is a feasible job option for me. Maybe God is preparing me for this work, so I am not just diving head first because it seems right, but to really know what I am signing myself up for. I realized that a lot of my prior thoughts were centered around what I could do to get things going. My control freak nature was taking its course.  

This Bible story reminded me of Ephesians 2:8-9 "For it is by Grace that you have been saved, through Faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the Gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast". 

It made me realize that God's leading may not make any earthly sense at times. God wants to show that we will only be saved and protected by His grace and mercy, not by anything we do. It is His GIFT, so I can't give props to my own ability and be prideful. 

The question is:

Do I have faith in God's power and promises? Do I believe in God's love for me? Do I think of God as a spiteful God who would dangle something I am passionate about only to take it away from me? Do I trust that God has plans for me? Will I surrender to His Will? Am I willing to listen and obey His directions even when I cannot grasp the fullness of it from my limited, human perspective? Will I trust His Timing? 

Bible passages that speak of God's promises and instructions began to flood my mind. There are so many more of these promises and declarations from God that I would not be able to finish noting down.  

Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord"

Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God"

Romans 12:12 "Rejoice in Hope, be Patient in tribulation, be Constant in prayer"

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to Prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you Hope and a Future"

Numbers 6:24 - 26 "The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make His face shine on you and be Gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you Peace" 

When I reflect on the last passage, of Numbers 6:24-26, I am reminded of a song that God placed in my heart on the last day of year 2020. And the song was inspired by this passage. In hindsight, it feels as though God was preparing me, reminding me of His Presence and Peace before my health began showing the signs of deterioration I had sensed was coming. These passages that came to me was a reminder that God is ultimately in control and I can be assured of His Timing and His Plans for me. It made me realize again the importance of deepening my relationship with Him and to commune with Him - to be sensitive to His leading so I can take action when He wants me to.

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Bible Story #2: Peter Walking on Water (Matthew 14:22 - 33)

What resonated with me the most while reflecting on this Bible story this time was Jesus' responses to His disciples. When He had initially appeared to them, they were terrified and His immediate response was to assure them, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid" (verse 27). When Paul began sinking and cried out to Jesus to save him, Jesus "immediately reached out his hand and caught him" (verse 31).
The question that followed felt like a question presented to me, "You of little faith... why did you doubt?" 
Whenever I read this in the past, I had always imagined Jesus being angry, the tone loaded with accusation. But this time, I imagined Jesus expressing sadness. Peter was one of His disciples, in fact, Peter had the privilege of being part of the "inner circle", one of the three disciples closest to Jesus. He was a first-hand eyewitness to all the miracles performed by Jesus. Jesus had even healed his mother-in-law. So why would he doubt Jesus' power? This struck me hard. While I may not see Jesus in the flesh, I have seen how He provides for me. Countless prayers of mine have been answered. While I've experienced deep sorrow, I've also experienced peace that passes all human understanding in the face of earthly struggles.

I, like Peter, had become distracted by the howling winds and the crashing waves that surround me. And it caused me to start sinking. Jesus had meant for Peter to focus on Him. Jesus means for me to fix my eyes upon Him.
This reminded me of the Scriptural passage of Hebrews 12:1 - 3
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." 

What are the thoughts and things that have been hindering me from trusting God's plan? If I pay attention only to my fears, limitations and own capacity, I will sink. I can't go through this hurdle on my own. Only God can lead me to green pastures. God's call for me is to surrender myself to Him and to place my focus on Him, so that I can finish running the race He intended me to. Jesus too, experienced much sorrow while on earth. He too endured much opposition. He isn't detached from our human, painful experience. And because of this shared experience, I know He can truly empathize with me. 

The same questions pop up:

Do I have faith in God's power and promises? Do I believe in God's love for me? Do I think of God as a spiteful God who would dangle something I am passionate about only to take it away from me? Do I trust that God has plans for me? Will I surrender to His Will? Am I willing to listen and obey His directions even when I cannot grasp the fullness of it from my limited, human perspective? Will I trust His Timing? 

Honestly, the waiting, while I surrender to God's Plan and Will, is painful. A friend reminded me that the waiting between Jesus' death and resurrection was scary for the disciples. Their Lord was murdered in the most brutal way. They were grieving. They did not know what was going to happen next and they hid themselves. 

In parallel, my waiting has been painful - whether I am waiting for healing, for new job opportunities, or even for something different than my illnesses.

In Jesus' time, no one except God knew that it would take 3 days for God's promise of victory over sin and death would come to pass. But when the time came, Jesus' resurrection was in accordance to God's perfect timing. He had foretold this for thousands of years, with every single prophecy fulfilled. And the resurrection was glorious.  

In my case, I have been gifted the Word of God that tells of His Love and Goodness. For me, I am to recognize Him for who He is, and the promises He has proclaimed. The only thing that I can cling to and hope for, that will never waver or fail me, is God. 

My friend, Su-Hwei, had very succinctly summarized my thoughts when she said, 
"there is the promise (God's job),

 and there is obedience (our job),

and the promise is the hope that compels our obedience"

In line with God's perfect timing, I came across an article, "They Did Not Break His Legs: Daring to Hope on Holy Saturday", and what stayed with me was this paragraph:
"Note well, the promise of resurrection does not mean a promise of no death. In fact, he promise of resurrection assumes death. You must first die to be brought back to life. Psalm 34:20 does not promise the righteous man will not suffer in the flesh, and even suffer to death. But it does promise that God will raise him. God will put him back together and give him flesh again and breath again. And affliction, even if it kills him, could not defeat the righteous in the end. Which is not only true, figuratively, for Jsus, but literally. And that first ray of resurrection hope."

The grave was necessary for resurrection. Suffering and pain is hard to bear. And again, God does not promise that things will be smooth sailing. But what He has promised is His Presence amidst the pain. 

Honestly, my reflections here do not mean that I have all the answers. I am still uncertain of what lies ahead. But what has shifted is that instead of despair, I feel His Peace that things will happen according to His Will. And it is my role to trust in His leading. If it is God's blessing for me to take on IJM, He will prepare me for it and will provide the way.

It feels timely to close my current thoughts with a song that had just popped into my mind, and its lyrics are very appropriate to what I've been reflecting on.

Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus (Look Up!)

Oh weary mind, oh troubled soul
All the broken pieces that You hold
Turn them over, give them up
And then watch what Jesus does

Oh heavy heart, oh heavy load
Lay it down and let it go
Leave your broken yesterdays
In the open arms of grace

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And watch the world grow dim
Standing next to Him
In the light of His glory and grace

Oh frozen hope, oh broken dreams
Just like a boat tossed on the raging seas
You will walk on waves again
When you have set your gaze on Him

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And watch the world grow dim
Standing next to Him
In the light of His glory and grace

So look up, look up
This is a song about the morning
After a long night
So look up, look up
This is a song about believing
It's gonna be alright, when you

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
I wanna grow dim
Standing next to Him
In the light of His glory and grace

So look up, look up
So look up, look up