reciprocity would be nice...

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up" 1 Thess 5:11a

All these years, I've been trying to love, to encourage, to build people up and not tear down, to be strong... but I've come to realize that I can't play that role 24/7. Its tough, but I have to admit - I can't love all the time. I can't encourage all the time. I can't build people up all the time. I can't be strong ALL the time.

I'm only human.

Its like eating humble pie, but really... I'm no superhuman. people shouldn't expect me to be one, and neither should I. Sometimes people forget, that givers also do appreciate it when they get to receive. It doesn't have to be big, but sometimes, just being acknowledged would be nice. Just knowing that I am a little bit, even though just a little bit, significant will suffice. no fancy gifts needed. thank you.

Honestly, it gets lonely. To love, but be rejected or sidelined. To encourage, but not receive encouragement at times of distress. To build people up, but in turn am torn down. To continuously be strong for others, but not receive support. Being in the field that I am right now doesn't help either, as it's an "isolated" profession. But really, does it make sense that the helper does not need any help? If a person ministers, does that mean he/she does not require to be ministered?

Am I disillusioned? I don't know. Maybe? All I know, is that I feel weary. And I desperately cling on to God's promise:

Matt 11:28 - "Come unto me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest"

Truth be told, I do feel drained out. Am I not trusting God enough to let go, to let Him take control? Probable. I know that God is all-knowing and He hears my prayers, but I guess sometimes I wish I had someone I could talk to whenever I was troubled, to have someone listen, to be prayed for, to have a comforting hand on my shoulder.

don't get me wrong. I love to serve, but it wouldn't hurt to be supported in my service.

reciprocity would be nice...