I am currently attempting to recover from 2 days of being "bedridden" due to pain. Not entirely sure what caused it, but am wondering if me trying to get back into my usual active mode is taking an even harder toll on my body...
it sucks that I feel so weak. it's disappointing that my fingers aren't as strong and quick in the past. Playing the guitar has been a challenge. Even during the CNY holidays, playing poker and mahjong with my relatives was difficult. I may have joked about "getting a stroke" due to playing, but deep down... I did have some fear that my brain wasn't able to take it, because the stabbing pain wouldn't stop whenever i tried to concentrate. My maths has never been good, but now that I have to take time to count basic numbers to make sure it's right... seems like my processing has deteriorated.
I realize its not only other people's expectations of me, but my own too... to get back on my feet quickly. Also, i'm struggling with my emotions. I have a lot of anger and frustration that is being built up.
I need therapy. But i don't have the confidence to drive yet. I feel stuck. I cry behind locked doors often. This is such a lonely journey....
When will this end?
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