I'm really thankful for the different people whom He has set in place to encourage me and to enlighten me during my times of confusion and grief. One of the biggest questions that I wrestled with God was, "why did He give me a heart to serve but not the body to go with it". It was a struggle for me because in my mind I expected God to give me the ideal body/health for me to be able to serve Him "effectively". But as I continued to grapple with this dilemma as the year progressed, I realized that this current broken body is the BEST body to serve Him in because I am better able to comfort and reach out to others who are suffering/hurting. Yes, God did give me the heart to serve... and He did give me the body to go with it... just not the body I expected it to be.
Another BIG lesson that I've learnt this year is to just be present and to BE. Being a do-er, it's been really tough to just slow down and take a step back. But time and time again, I have been reminded to "sit at Jesus' feet" and to get to know Him better. I admit that I have a lot of head knowledge about God but it's truly been a time for me this year to experience and deepen my relationship with Him from the heart.
This song, "Breathe" by Jonny Diaz has been a God-given gift to me this year.
"Just breathe... come and rest at my feet... and BE..."
"Let your weary spirit rest..."
"Lay down what's good and find what's BEST..."
I've been hanging on to my previous identity and refusing to see what God had install for me, because I was already comfortable with my then identity, thinking it was already good. Maybe this broken body that experiences pain and disease is best when we look at the big picture of things. If not for my disease, I will not be able to empathize with people who have chronic illness.
Truly I understand now what Paul meant when he spoke about the thorn in his flesh.
2 Corinthians 12:8-10 ~ "three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
Only when I acknowledge my weakness and my dependence on God, He is able to strengthen me with His Power and for me to see His deep love for me manifested. Although life is not going to be easy, but I am rest assured that He knows best and will guide me through life's ups and downs.
Year 2018, here I come! I don't know what life has in store for me but I know whom I am journeying with :)
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