Again... the pattern goes another circle. another cut off.
Was I angry and upset when I had my suspicions? Yes... Did my heart break when my suspicions were confirmed? Yes. Do I grieve from time to time? Yes too... But what I realized was different this round was that I was able to pull myself out of the trap that I am an unlovable person who needs to push myself harder and make more sacrifices just to make people happy. I am disappointed that things have turned out this way, but all I can do now is to wish this person well and to pray that God will protect and guide this person to live more meaningfully.
I know sometimes the memories jerk me into sadness... but a recent conversation with a new-found friend affirmed how much I really do care for people, and how there are people who recognize and appreciate me for who I am. And for that, I am really grateful.
I am actually really thankful that I have been delving deeper into the Acceptance Commitment Therapy model. It has seriously helped me reflect and grow as a person. Life is far from perfect, I am weary most of these days due to the expectations placed on me... but I feel a sense of freedom of choice - from my discussions in my spiritual direction and even through ACT... as i learn to figure out my options that could lead me to living according to my values and Christ-likeness... it has helped me focus on what's important to me. There are so many distractions in life - pain and suffering, tiredness.. but being able to focus on what steps I could take really is very refreshing.
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