God Still Reigns

18th February 2022.

The day I was hospitalized due to my left arm and leg having tingling sensations and numbing, the room felt like it was spinning 360 degrees, dizziness, nausea and vomitting. There were concerns of a possible stroke/brainbleed. As days passed, my vitals went wild and I experienced all kinds of symptoms.

Long story short, my brain was ruled out as the culprit, but I was referred to a cardiologist. I felt really unsettled, as I considered - what am I doing? Do I want to continue with this? After much prayer and consideration, I asked God to take over - If it is God's Will for me to follow through with all these investigations, my insurance will give the greenlight for the tests to happen. 

The tests were not passed by the insurance.

And I felt at peace to inform the specialists that I would like to take a break from these assessments and would like to be discharged when my vitals stablizes. 

On that very day itself, my supervisee reminded me of a post that I had wrote on FB that had encouraged her, and she sensed that I needed the same encouragement. The Lord truly works in mysterious ways to reach out to me. The Bible verse I had shared was spot on.   
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My Bible Verse of the day is Psalm 73:26 ~ "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever".

A very apt verse to end the year 2021 and begin 2022 with. Truly this has been a difficult year in all aspects, especially my health. Yet, a reminder that kept popping up for me throughout the year of 2021: God is my firm foundation, the rock of my heart, able to bear my weight and my burden, and I will not sink or be swept away by the raging torrents if I find my footing in Him. And He has shown His faithfulness, providence and assurance, time and time again in different ways - answered prayers, Bible verses that keeps me grounded, loving friends, meaningful gospel songs, etc.

A challenge I struggle with is to surrender. While He promises to carry me through and guide my every step, I find my fallen nature to hang on and take/keep control of the situation getting in the way. That said, I'm grateful God is VERY patient and will not give up on me. I pray that this is something I'll work on for year 2022 - to mindfully let go and let God take charge and to trust His plans for me.

A song by Philippa Hanna ("You're Still God") has been playing in my brain and it's an apt song to supplement my 2021 Reflections.
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When all foundations have been shaken
When I'm left standing in the dark
And all I feel is my heart breaking
You still reign and You're still God

And when it feels all hope has faded
The heavy questions hit so hard
And though my soul may feel forsaken
You still reign and You're still God

Though I can't see what's before me
I know that I can trust Your Heart
And this one truth will be my story
That You still reign and You're still God

I will declare that You are with me
Though voices whisper that You're not
You'll never leave me nor forsake me
'Cause You still reign and You're still God

And when my enemies surround me
I'll trust the victory of Your cross
And fix my eyes upon You, Jesus
For You are God and I am not

You are good and You are faithful
As You have been from the start
You're working all things for Your glory
'Cause You still reign and You're still God

I know You reign and You're still God