Counting My Blessings

 I had two nightmares that had similar themes last night. In both instances, I dreamt that my health status was a hinderance to getting my "dream job". The experience I had with the past NGO had really torched a fear in my mind that this could happen (again). 

But as I considered that possible reality, looking back, finding employment has not been too difficult for me, even post surgeries. My past work opportunities more or less came to me due to recommendations from others or the bosses knew me and wanted me to work - I didn't have much of an interview process for those times. The only other time that I had to put in more effort for it was for my IMH job in Singapore.

That's the human mind, isn't it? We do tend to have negative experiences stick with us more prominently. It's only when I allow myself to pause and to recollect my thoughts that I realize how blessed I have been. Doors have been opening, them being orchestrated by God, not by my own effort.  

Do I still have anxiety? Sure, that's a normal response but I recognize that its power over me has been reduced over the past week or so. It's been helpful to mindfully surrender control to God, to trust that He knows best, and to pray that I will be able to accept whatever outcome, positive or negative, because He has plans for me. In my previous posts, I mentioned the impact it would have on me if I did not get the job. Again, catastrophizing is such a normal occurence of thought distortion that can overtake so easily if left unchecked. It would be a lie if I said it wouldn't have any impact. But I know too that God will pick me up and I can move on, as I have in the past.  

Time and time again, He has shown His faithfulness, providence and mercy - stories gleaned from the Bible, and real personal experiences as well. 

What is my focus then? Do I place all my energy to focus on my disappointments? Or do I fix my gaze on the One who is sovereign and is in control overall. The plus point is that He knows my heart. The question I ask myself is if my heart is aligned to His?