Equilibrium

I have been in a daze and disoriented since hearing of my aunt's passing. The fact that we could not hold any funeral services or even just a memorial for her seems to have caused a hitch for my family to grieve and to process her death. I think foor the most part, we are still in disbelief and in shock.  

It's as though life is still going on and yet there is this obstacle that I can't fully explain that is stopping me in my tracks. We haven't been able to mourn and gain closure - with the Total lockdown about to be implemented next week. We can't gather as a family to remember my aunt. I've been thinking that we could do an private-family-only online service to remember her. But my health and physical body has not been cooperative for me to have the energy to plan anything. Maybe this time my grief is manifesting itself through my body just wanting to shut down.  

I feel bogged down by the many responsibilities that I bear at home. And it's impacting my muscle recovery. How do I find balance? That has always been a question that I find difficult to answer. Even if I want to delegate tasks, who do I share the burden with? I think the combo of being a do-er, an empath and an initiator is terrible in these circumstances. I literally feel the weight on my shoulders. The state of equilibrium feels unstable at the moment.

This whole ideal has actually decreased my excitement and anticipation of my dream job interview.  

Lord, please help me find rest and peace, and that I would still be able to to give my all during the coming interview.