I've had a really trying and exhausting week. To the point that I understood why people would want to end their lives because they just want the pain and suffering to end. And yet, on the flipside, I have experienced God's grace and providence tremendously. This is truly what it means, that my cup overflows with God's blessings and goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.
In my darkest moment this week, God had sent a myriad of different support to nourish me - prayers, financial blessings, listening ears, etc. Some, I would never have expected or were considering to contact, but they emerged without my initiation.
A pattern that kept repeating was, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:7-8
I felt God's confirmation today to fix my eyes on Him. I recognize that I have been very, VERY distracted by many things and it had caused a lot of unsettled feelings on my part. Tonight, plans were made to encourage mom. Unexpectedly, God had sent encouragement my way as well. Even the ladies who came recognized that this was not their initial plan but as conversations began, they felt the nudging to speak to me. It was exactly what I needed to hear:
The need to be still and to pause, to ponder. To inquire of the Lord what His Will is for me.
What is this ONE thing that God has called/invited me to do? What is God's destiny for me?
As the End Times draw nearer, how am I contributing to His Kingdom?
I was reminded of that in preparation of the End Days, God will situate each of His children at specific and strategic places/locations/areas for the work and furtherance of His Kingdom. This spiritual warfare that is taking place even now.
So where is my place? Where is God directing me to be? What is my role? God has planted this dream of setting up Safe Haven in me, developing and preparing me for the last 10 years... He has granted me this heart and passion, and the ability to think differently/outside the box. How will I use these gifts?
What is my next step? What is holding me back from working on this/pursuing this dream now that He is helping me make it a reality? Have I been too focused on the time I have left that I am being distracted by the wrong things?
In my impromptu conversations with Aunty HF and HB today, they equated me to Joseph, the dreamer - the person with the vision... and she asked if I had people who could help me realize the plan and draw it out.. and I realized that I do. Quite a few, in fact.
Now I am fully convicted. And I want to take this step of faith. There are so many unanswered questions, so many gaps... but I trust that God will reveal each step as I search and seek for these answers. True enough, tonight I was already introduced to a couple that could collaborate in my Safe Haven efforts.
My responsibility is to pray, to trust, to be sensitive to His nudging and to act with courage when He tells me to. And to repent of my sins, the things that I am withholding, that is stumbling me.
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