As a Christian I've been taught/brought up to give thanks and be joyful always. While I do subscribe to it, it makes me realize that this in turn doesn't allow me much space to recognize my pain, anxiety, anguish (depression) and suffering. And honestly, I've been feeling a lot of these emotions for some time. Just yesterday, my exhaustion and sense of being overwhelmed tipped me over to the point that I really wanted to just curl up into a fetal position and sob. Today, I feel rage and frustration - feeling like I'm having to problem-solve and care about everything while others just point fingers and conveniently give (unhelpful) suggestions. I'm beginning to have a migraine setting in after being on the constant go for the last few days. And I still have loads to do tomorrow.
I was just discussing with my supervisee yesterday night about recognizing our discomfort, and providing space for them to just be there without having the immediate reaction to do something about it. And I find myself in this situation now, where I feel compelled to be grateful or to downplay the struggle... but I'm telling myself to just notice these emotions and to stay with them. be with them.
I was reminded of these few questions:
Can I let these feelings stay without changing them?
Can I accept them and let them stay even as I am trying to function and are interacting with others?
Can I trust that these feelings will not harm me and others?
Can I not show up "confident and perfect"/unaffected?
Can I simply show up as I am in each moment, which in this moment, menas showing up with these unpleasant emotions?
Please let me just BE.
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